If Only ...

8th Sep 2002

It was a stormy night, multiple streaks of lightning crashed onto the dull weathered rocks that populated the valley. Like lions berserked, the thunders roared their fury, but at the eye of this unnatural storm, a lone tower stood unmoved, untouched by the anger of the gods. They were helpless, they could do nothing, the world was ending. The eyes of all were on the tower, on the lone cloaked figure who dwelled within. The ancient wizard, who was born and was breathing his last within this dark tower, within the solace of his chambers.

Grasping weakly for his rune-scarred scythe, the emancipated man convulsed violently as yet another spasm gripped his ancient age-mottled mortal shell. Blinking his blood tinted tears away, he sighed as the pain in his heart gradually eased into a dull throbbing ache. Spitting the tangly metallic taste of blood from his mouth, the ancient necromancer stood up, his failing form upright and straight despite his great age. "It's time.", he whispered to himself.

His eyes, burning crimson with unnatural fervor, the pale necromancer stroked his silvery runic scythe gently and slowly began his long journey to the peak of the tower, to the altar where he will cast his final spell. "If only...", the weeping wizard whispered as he made his way to his final destination. "If only.... ", he moaned as a sudden pain ripped at his wiltered heart.

The freezing winds howled, and whipped through the narrow corridors seeking for the mortal who would bring about the end of everything, the end of the world. The storm grew stronger, desperated. Dark oily raindrops were hissing as they struck unrelentlessly against the cold fossilized bones of the dark tower. A rain of scorching acids. They burnt, they killed all that they touched, man, animals, everything. Surely, Nature had gone crazy.

Wild laughters soon erupted from his slender frame, "My life is mine and no others. The world must end. But if only..." He shook his head sadly, his eyes filled with unspeakable sorrows, his long white hairs rippling gently despited the wild gales that sought take away his life. "If only...", the ancient wizard lifted his foot and took yet another step. She is waiting.

With every step the wheezing old man took, the earth shook in defiance. Great cracks appeared throughout the rocky landscape. The earth shook again. The sea heaved, and raging torrents of oily fluid gushed through the great gaps of the wizard's valley. There can be no peace.

Pausing a moment to catch his fading breath, his eyes roamed the valley of which had been his home for the past decades, centuries, when it was once green and full of life. But now like the rest of the world, it is dead and so cold that nothing grow upon it, ever. The soils was poisoned, the air noxious and the rain burning. And now, only clumps of vicious monstrous plants stalk the garden he once tenderly groomed.

He sighed, his once peaceful grove had become a place devoid of harmony, only chaos remained. Only regrets.

Brushing his crimson tears away, the necromancer shivered slightly in the extreme cold that had permeated his valley. Gingerly flexing his stiff joints, the stubborn old man continued up the stairs determinedly. "I must... "

Great torrents of tainted sea water kept pouring into the valley, pounding mindlessly against the mystical barrier he had risen around his tower. Dark energies crackling as the shield resisted the sea's onslaught. And then they came.

In anguish, the ancient man averted his crimson eyes as he reluctantly hurled a bolt of dark crackling lightning toward the horde of finless shark-like monsters. They emerged from nowhere, madden by a justified vengeance, the demon fish sought to break through the mystic barrier. Oh, they screamed, each and everyone of them screamed their hatred for man, for their losses, just as they slowly, but surely died under the merciless grip of the necromancer's spell. "I'm sorry. Forgive us... ", the wizard wept as his lightning streak hungrily towards the blood-madden sharks.

Then after a blink of an eye, or perhap an eternity of silence, no one knows, a weeping figure with a silver scythe had finally made his way to the peak of the ancient tower. Dark arcane energy slowly gathered about the wizard as he began his mournful song. He sang of a world where the sun was gently nurturing the young seedlings, a world where the air was rich with the songs of birds, rich with the aroma of roses and a world in harmony. But now, the world is dying, in great pain, agony. He wept as he ended his song.

Holding his father's runic scythe with his two wiltered hands, the ancient wizard whispered a short farewell and smited the heart of the dying world. Silence.

"NOOoooooo!!!", a shout broke the silence, the voice was his.

"What right do you have to end a life, even if it is in pain, suffering? None. NONE. You have no right! Is it mercy?", the voice demanded fiercely.

He screamed, his fingers crutching at his face, inflicting deep bleeding grooves. "NOOOoooo!!", the wizard dug at his eyes, for he could not bear to see. The world is suffering. And he struck the pulsing gem, the heart of the world. If only...

A blinding light. The world was silent. A soft sigh escaped the weathered old figure still on his throne of bone. "It's time."

The ancient necromancer remarked as he reached for his scythe, a single tear falling from his closing eyes. "But if only...", the old man whispered as he breathed his last, a journey ending before it began.

Perhaps the birds would come again.

If only man ...

A simple Hug

31st May 2005

He padded toward me.
His tail wagging tentatively.
I could almost hear the whine
that threatened to overwhelm him.

His large sorrowed eyes.
His coarse fur hanging limply.
I froze, undecided, pondering over
instincts that strove to turn me away.

He padded toward me.
His ugly face grinning hopefully.
I could almost hear the cry
that threatened to overwhelm him.

His large jealous eyes.
His unkempted furs stinking strongly.
I knelt, and beckoned him over
And said, "Never forgotten, always."

I hugged him.
I loved him.
The taint that was jealousy fled.
I still loved him afterall, and he is contented.

Because of Myself

19th May 2005

Rows and rows before me, they stood.
Motionless like an army of scarecrows, waiting.
"Who are you guys?", I asked.
A hint of fear wormed its way into my voice.

"What are you? WHAT are YOU! WHAT ARE YOU!", I screamed.

Days and nights about me, they waited.
Silently, unansweringly, they surrounded me, waiting.
"I have lost everything.", I stated.
A hint of defiance crept its way into my voice.

"I have lost my love, my job, my EVERYTHING.", I whispered.

Once and only for me, they beckoned.
Seductive like my bittersweet love, undeniable.
"Come, come, come...", they finally spoken.
An evident sense of excitements crackled around their unmoving forms.

"We need you. We miss you. We want you.", they moaned.

Over and over within me, I searched.
Cold and empty like the mortal realm, I found myself.
"No... not yet...", I finally gasped.
A hint of resolution finally found its way into voice.

"Because... because... Because I still have me..."

Nothing of Life

6th May 2005

It was chillingly cold...
The icy mountain winds seemed to enjoy embracing the poor little man barely hanging onto the cliff...
Me... I... Us?

I could not remember why, when, how did I got to this stark forbidding place with bitter frost.
Bitter like the knots that binded my soul. I glanced at the distant figure below.
He is waiting...

But for whom? I thought, I whispered without knowing why.
Then it struck me. Me... I... Us? The sudden realisation caused my fingers to loosen.
And with a gasp, I fell.

I thought I had fallen, but did I? I found myself still kissing the freezing rocks of the ice crusted cliff.
The chilling winds blew still. I shivered.
He is still waiting...

I thought to spit at him, to scream my defiance. I will not be taken! I will not...
But my mouth was dry, my throat frozen... I was dying... And I am not feeling peaceful at all...
I shivered in cold and in fear...

I glazed up and saw the glorious sun, the warm fire that awaited me...
I tried to reach for it... but my poor tormented body could not, would not obey me... I fell...
into His arms...

I knew peace... I knew nothing... and then we left...
leaving all behind... the cold, the bitterness, the smiles...
for we are nothing but memories...

The Flawed Mirror

5th July 2004

He walked toward the antique mirror across the dressing room.

"Wonderful craftmanship, isn't it?", he remarked as he lightly brushed the mirror's intricate engraving.

"Verily milord. An exquisite piece indeed.", they chorused as a servant should.

"This mirror is flawed isn't it?", he remarked again as he leaned heavily on the seemingly flawless mirror.

"Forgive us milord!", they wept in terror as their gleaming eyes examined the silvered mirror face in futility.

"I am a flawed mirror, am I not?", he smiled sadly as he knelt down and traced the hidden cracks among the wooden base.

The servants gasped and averted their eyes.
And I just smiled and said, "Soon cracks will widen, and we shall fall..."

I smiled as the sound of splintering wood was chorused by the shattering mirror...

I am a flawed mirror, am I not?

The Wolves and the Stag

28th April 2005

"Indeed your majesty, you are the king of the forest. For did you not wear an ivory crown?", the lead wolf bowed before the great white stag.

"Indeed your majesty, we hold you in highest esteem. For did you not have a great herd of does worshipping your gracious self?", the wolf continued as he eyed the cowering does hungrily.

"Indeed your majesty, it would be our greatest honor to feast upon your noble heart!", the great wolf snarled as he pounced upon the king with the great crown of ivory.

"And so the wolves feasted upon the great white stag and his does..." And thus the wise old ram ended his tale.

Everafter

23rd Jun 2004

They asked, "Why are you smiling as your love departs?"
To which I queried, "Mayhap I should weep? Wounded I am, indeed not?"

I walked to the balcony and they followed.

I then asked, "My love had left had she not?"
To which they chorused, "Verily far had she gone."

I reached for the moon in yonder sky.

So they exclaimed, "You can never grasp the lady moon!"
To which I replied, "Indeed, I cannot."

I reached out and grabbed.

Again I whispered, "Verily, I cannot. Can I not?"
To which they affirmed, "Verily an impossible task."

I smiled and embraced my love.

And so I whispered, "But alas, I remember the love."
And so they whispered, "We are but mortal shells in the realm of thorns."

I closed my eyes and remembered.
There is no eternity, is there not?
Except perhaps that we once existed?

He was not Alone

5th December 2003

"Let's go.", he whispered in his soft sorrowed tainted voice.

"Where? To where are we heading?", I asked. The world was in darkness, I could sense his closeness, hear his pounding heart, but of him I see nothing. "Where are you?", I queried with my trembling voice. I was confused, maybe not.

"It's time. Are you coming?", he replied without answering my questions.

I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. "I will stay by you. You will not be alone, this I promise." I could feel his slender fingers, but yet strangely coarse hand - the hand of one who works the land. "Where are we going?", I dared to ask again. The stranger smiled, I knew he did, even in this darkness.

"Somewhere, somewhere…", he answered cryptically. “Come.” A fade scent of lavender brushed past me, as he sought my hands. “Come.”

I smiled and took his hands. His hands were cold. “You are very cold.”, I commented, feeling quite at ease with the stranger – he was strangely familiar, maybe that is why he is a stranger. I chuckled at the thought, a lame joke, but then, my sense of humor had always been a trifle lacking. I smiled again, memories of the past when there was light and laughter. How I yearn to be young again!

Suddenly, a thought descended into my feeble mind. “How old are you?” I was curious. He smiled again, “As old as you are. I was there when you were born, and here I am with you. I’m always by your side and always will.”

His answer confused me, but I found that it didn’t disturb me one bit. “Let’s go. I’m curious.” I pulled myself up and sought his shoulder – it seems he was around my build. Laughing gently, the stranger gave me a quick hug and led me onwards, to some unknown place. I was curious.

It seemed like an eternity, but eventually we reached there. I can feel it in my old bones. “Are we here?”

“Yes, old friend. We are here, behold. My last gift to you!”

A cool blast of the morning breeze bathed my face, I know it is morning. It is morning I’m sure, I could feel the warm light on my wrinkled face. It felt so good. Sunrise. I could feel the fiery orb in the distant, struggling to bring light to the world. I could imagine the cascading colors, I never forgot the first sunrise I seen when I was a little boy.

“It is beautiful.”

“Yes it is and will be for years to come.”

“I certainly hope so. Is it time?”

“Yeah. Are you ready?”

“As ready as one can be.”

“Then I’m ready too. Glad to know you.”

“Me too. You are a good man.”

“Yes, I guess I am. Good bye!”

“Yeah! Goodbye!”, I grinned. I was glad of this last gift I gave myself.

The sightless old man smiled as the sun finally rose over the horizon, scattering the darkness that shroud the city.

The voices in his mind, his life, finally went away, and this time, he left with them. He was not alone.